A Season of Refinement

"Be yourself exactly before God when and present your problems-the things you have come to your wits end about. Ask what you will, and Jesus Christ says your prayers will be answered. We can always tell whether our will is in what we ask by the way we live when we are not praying."

Miki and I took some time today and went over this season of refinement. This is definitely the toughest season to date. After some hard decisions and prayer this past week, we took some time to go over what God has been doing in our lives, and what is coming along the horizon. You know what we found? We have absolutely no idea what is coming up! Yet, as we went through the things He has allowed us to experience, we cannot say that we are not in His Will. As I said to friend today, we are definitely in the fire of refinement.

I read in Oswald Chambers reflections that "prayer changes us, and we change things." I think this holds true for us in this particular season. Throughout the NT I see the ways that God desires us to change us from within in order that we do in His glory. We cannot do things without Him at the heart of it, which is what prayer does to connect us to Him in relationship. We end up not doing things for His glory and within our own framework of what we perceive as His glory.

I am afraid that we have more that we need to sacrifice in the days to come. I think that is the reality in the days ahead. It is not a bad thing, but one that we will have to rely on God to prepare us for. It begins with prayer. We don't know what this means, but we don't have to. We just rely on Him. It does not make it any easier, but there is a great hope in knowing that God is working on us for the future. This is definitely frustration yet peace in Him on a different level. Be with us O God, we bow before you with all that we are...

Back into the academics

It amazes me sometimes how much I am reading these days. I can remember when I didn't read a single book within a year, and now God has got me reading more than I can count. Funny how things change when you hand your life over to Christ...

In my theology class this past week, we had to recall our salvation story...I must admit it has been a long time. But it got me thinking, was I really saved back when I was 10 years old? I have asked myself this question many times, but this time it really was a challenge to think of it. I guess it was difficult because I cannot remember much when I was 10 years old. I know that the professor was not trying to put into question of my salvation, but it definitely got me to weigh if I truly handed over my life to Christ back then. And now I am assured that I did. I understand now more than ever that God took a hold of me as I child, bathing me in a joy that I know can only come from Him. Though I cannot fully understand it at 10, I can understand it today. I think my confusion of my salvation came from the fact that I had never experienced since then a complete joy and reliance in Him as I did back when I was a child. My rededication was such an emotive time and release of control that I had no other basis for it except when I had the faith of a child...whew!

But my story aside, God's change in people are such wonderful stories. THERE IS NEVER A BORING OR BAD STORY WHEN IT COMES TO BEING SAVED BY CHRIST. It is amazing to see the wonderful and perfect ways He affects change in those who surrender to Him.

Who would've thought the boy who stuck his fingers in the light socket again and again all those years ago could have such thoughts?! Praise God from whom all blessings flow....

Another challenge yet again...

Well, Miki had her last day of work today. I can't believe how quickly the tide changes. It is interesting though...despite the kind of life changing event this is, we are both not as panicked as we could be. Lord, I am definitely not doubting your presence in our lives, nor am I blaming you for our current situation. I think I am just in confusion of what exactly it is you would have us do now. I guess because this is not something we predicted at all, we must rely more so on what You will have for us in the future. I think we have truly found the meaning in Jeremiah 29:11-13 now. We have faith in You will provide us with a prosperous future, but not only that, but we will find you when we seek you with all our heart. I believe that is what we found tonight. We are able to pray and seek you with all our hearts, and for that, You have given us the peace only You can give. It does not make the journey easier, but it definitely provides an assurance that You are always watching over us. So I guess in a way that does make it more "palatable." Thank you Lord for Your people and Your presence through them. I am not certain what the future holds for us now, but we constantly seek what you would have us do....now more than ever. May we always hold ourselves up for your glory. May I be the man for I need to be for You as well as my family.

Inherent spiritual poverty

Inherent spiritual poverty...something I heard in my daily devotional this morning. I just can't seem to get it out of my head...a total and utter dependence on Him. It is definitely a challenge to remember that we are incomplete...poor in spirit without Him. We are this way in order to truly put our trust in Him, completely and with nothing else in His way. These days have truly been a challenge in knowing that my resources, talent, wisdom and abilities should never substitute my trust in the Lord. It was nice to take some time out in the morning to be alone in the quiet. I need to definitely get more time in to spend in the solitude of prayer. I always have quiet times in the morning, but there was definitely something special about this one, outside the house...in his creation. May God give me the strength to lead our family to Him, it can be such a struggle with finances, time, and everything life is filled with. It is all a great blessing and experience...thank you Lord again for bringing us to your place in your time.

Start of new phase in life...

Hmmm...after being a computer geek for this long...first time I am starting an online journal blog. Definitely something long overdue. Been struggling with the daily journal and study with God, but I really want to pursue this to get closer to Him. I don't exactly know what I will be writing, but I definitely would like to share my thoughts and greatest struggles in order to see how my Lord has formed and shaped me through tough times and experiences. It is confusing to put into words all the thoughts I have online...anyone who wishes to keep a dialogue open with me on this blog, please feel to do so. My goal is to help my "followship" with my Lord and Savior. I truly believe that dialogue is necessary between others to help sharpen each other. I hope that you will all join me on this journey...